from the heart of abigail joy
There will always be garbage.
This is the reality that hit me hard in the face at work.
I am a member of the Custodial staff at Church. No…it is not the most glamorous of summer jobs…but let me remind you that one of the first female janitors was someone every girl longed to be at one point in her life...Cinderella. I scrub toilets, mop floors, stack chairs, wash windows…It usually isn't one of the jobs on my list...but this particular week was all about the trash.
You would be surprised how much trash one building can collect after one weekend of activities.
I started to recite a speech in my mind that I would give to my future husband...I will cook (or I would be willing to learn how to cook more than scrambled eggs), I will do the laundry, I will even mow the lawn...with scissors!...but please do not make me take out the trash.
I started throwing the bags out on the sidewalk to carry to the dumpster. Wasn't it Cinderella who sang, "One day my prince will come..."...when the bubbles rose as she scrubbed the dirt away from the floor...
I started singing my own version...
This is when the thought hit me...there will always be trash. My prince has already come. He is here. He rescued me. And there is still trash to take out...
I look for happily ever after...I always have...I long for romance, for ultimate joy, for the garden...Searching for perfection in the fallen world...gets me into trouble.
“Why did God curse Eve with loneliness and heartache, an emptiness that nothing would be able to fill? Wasn’t her life going to be hard enough out there in the world, banished from the Garden that was her true home, never able to return…He did it to save her. For as we all know personally, something in Eve’s heart shifted at the fall. Something sent its roots down deep into her soul—and ours—that mistrust of God’s heart, that resolution to find life on our own terms…In love, God has to block her attempts until, wounded and aching, she turns to Him and Him alone for her rescue…”
Captivating –John & Stasi Eldredge
Like most women...we all have our own insecurities to battle...I fight lies...fear is real. And when hard circumstances remain unchanged I think God needs my help…So I try to control my heart…
There are nights I spend wrestling with God...when the morning comes I realize how self-centered I truly am. I question God, I beg Him to bring about change...I cry to Him because when nothing changes...I think He hasn't heard me. It all comes down to me. I think God owes me something. I'm searching for other ways to fill my heart...isn't that sending God the message that He isn't enough? Am I praying for God to make my life more comfortable?
This is not home…We weren't created for this place. We weren’t created for comfort.
It only takes a moment to become overwhelmed with the memory of the cross…for what He did for me and you…I always end up back at His feet…realizing that He has my best interest at heart…Why do we always wait for the aching to become so raw and real till we turn back to our Savior? He is our life. He is why we are here.
“And love God, your God, listening obediently to Him, firmly embracing Him. Oh yes, He is life itself…” Deuteronomy 30:20 The Message
I believe that God has a bigger plan and purpose for me than being a trash-taker-outer for the rest of my days...I believe He is taking the pieces of me and molding me into the woman He wants me to be…I believe following Him...no matter what He has you doing...will always be an adventure of ups and downs...and I whole-heartedly believe that He gives me jobs like taking out the trash to teach me deep lessons...
By His grace He uses, teaches and loves the least of us.
Praying God gives me eyes…daily…to find the lessons...eyes that search for His never-ending-grace…amidst the trash we have to continue to take to the curb...
Thanking God True Love has come and rescued our Hearts
“Here we stand…our hearts are Yours...Not our will…but Yours be done.” -All Sons & Daughters