Because we are human...death happens. I am never ready to say goodbye...
As soon as I heard the news, that a person I loved dearly passed away, I felt the strong uncontrollable pull to go to my hiding-prayer-runaway spot to be with the One who knows me best...the One who knows my emotions, understands my thoughts, allows me to cry, to be real, to be hurt and upset and vulnerable--because He is the One who made me. I ran away. I escaped to the beach. And I cried.
I love the moments when I don't have to explain or breakdown my thought process because His overwhelming presence is sweet and smacking me in the face with each crashing wave. He is calling my name. He is jealous and "guarding my heart". Broken--I am singing His name because it holds power and I do not have strength to face this life on my own..
Psalm 18 The Message"I love you, God—you make me strong. God is bedrock under my feet, the castle in which I live, my rescuing knight...where I run for dear life, hiding behind the boulders, safe in the granite hideout...I sing to God, the Praise-Lofty, and find myself safe and saved...God made my life complete when I placed all the pieces before him. When I got my act together, He gave me a fresh start. Now I’m alert to God’s ways; I don’t take God for granted. Every day I review the ways he works...I feel put back together, and I’m watching my step. God rewrote the text of my life when I opened the book of my heart to his eyes..."
This is not our final destination. This is not where we belong.
Even with hearts yearning to be with God--we have responsibility. We have a purpose to become more like Jesus daily--to worship Jesus in everything we do--to walk in the Spirit--to BE Jesus to everyone with that extravagant and un-cautious love.
Bold. Be confident in following and seeking. Never settling.
Like Peter I want to jump into the crashing waves and walk to the Lord with locked eyes. I want to be the One He chooses and uses. If I need to face fears and get on an airplane to go serve overseas--I will go. I will go. Choose me. I want to be challenged. I want to go deeper--I want my faith to be pushed and made stronger.
This song--Oceans (Where feet may fail) by Hillsong--listen!! It leaves me undone. As soon as I heard it I had to leave the room and go to Jesus. I had to go and just be...these words are the cry of my heart. [Spirit lead me where my trust is without borders...Let me walk upon the waters, wherever You would call me...Take me deeper than my feet could ever wander and my faith will be made stronger...In the presence of my Savior] No longer content. No longer comfortable. I want to go deeper.
Because this life is not forever, goodbyes happen, and the unavoidable last breath comes--I want my time here to be spent not just surviving but living with passionate heart-breaking aching love for my Rescuer--that overflows into the rest of life.
Listen to the words of this song..
"You call me out upon the waters
The great unknown where feet may fail and there I find You in the mystery...In oceans deep...My faith will stand
And I will call upon Your name
And keep my eyes above the waves
When oceans rise
My soul will rest in Your embrace
For I am Yours and You are mine
Your grace abounds in deepest waters, Your sovereign hand
Will be my guide...Where feet may fail and fear surrounds me...You've never failed and You won't start now
[Spirit lead me where my trust is without borders
Let me walk upon the waters
Wherever You would call me
Take me deeper than my feet could ever wander
And my faith will be made stronger
In the presence of my Savior]
I will call upon Your Name
Keep my eyes above the waves
My soul will rest in Your embrace
I am Yours and You are mine"
Thank you God that we can always run to You. For always Father, I want to be falling deeper..